With my first pregnancy I spent a lot of time preparing myself for an unmedicated birth. All anyone ever talked about was how hard childbirth was and how I was going to need the epidural (I didn’t want one). Spoiler alert, birth is hard. Labor and delivery is hard. But the fact is, that’s just one part of having a baby. And generally speaking, labor and delivery is one day of your life. But postpartum… that phase of life lasts weeks to months. And I wish someone prepared me for how hard it truly is.
The postpartum period, also known as the fourth trimester, is unlike any other time in your life. You worked so hard to make and deliver your baby and now that baby is here. I imagined It would be full of love and cuddles and all the good feels. But what nobody told me is that postpartum is hard. It is beautiful and magical and full of all the love and cuddles, but it’s also physically and mentally challenging. You are sleep deprived and your body just accomplished this incredible physical feat, and while you are trying to recover physically you are also in charge of this new tiny demanding human.
I asked my readers what they wish someone had prepared them for postpartum, and I compiled the most common responses in this post to share with you all.
POSTPARTUM BLEEDING
Postpartum bleeding, also known as lochia, can be a real bitch. It can last for a few weeks and is generally the heaviest in the first few days. The hospital will provide you with gigantic bricks, aka maxi pads, that you have to waddle around with those first few days postpartum. You will never feel as glamorous as you do when wearing these.
PASSING CLOTS
Passing clots is completely normal in the first week or two after having a baby, but if you’ve never passed one before and nobody warns you about it, it can be a bit shocking. They can range from the size of a pea to the size of a golf ball, however if the clots you are passing seem alarmingly large or there is extremely heavy bleeding or discomfort associated with them, call your provider. It never hurts to double check that everything is normal.
ADULT DIAPERS
Your baby won’t be the only one in diapers. So many women find that for the first few days after delivery, depends are more comfortable than those god awful maxi pads, especially for overnight. The adult diaper may possibly be an even more attractive look than the huge maxi pad. I promise you, you will feel sexy again.
DIAPER RASH
That diaper rash cream you bought for your babe’s sensitive little bum… well you might find yourself needing some of that too. Postpartum bleeding can last for a while, and wearing pads for that long can cause some uncomfortable chafing, aka adult diaper rash. Make sure to change your pad every few hours, whether or not it is saturated, to reduce the chances of getting an adult diaper rash. But if you do get one, slather that diaper cream on there, it’ll clear right up.
PEEING WITH STITCHES
It burns. Like it’s seriously uncomfortable. You need to have a peri bottle on hand filled with lukewarm water and basically every time you pee you’ll want to squeeze that thing like crazy to keep a steady stream of warm water on your vagina. It’s the only thing that somewhat helps with the burning that you’ll experience when you pee with stitches.
HEMORRHOIDS… NEED I SAY MORE??
Not everyone gets hemorrhoids, but if you’re one of the lucky ones, they can be pretty miserable. Towards the end of pregnancy there is a lot of pressure on your pelvic region so some lucky women get them during pregnancy. There’s also a ridiculous amount of pressure being put on your rectum when you’re squeezing a baby out, so hemorrhoids aren’t uncommon. If you get them, talk to your doctor about treatment options.
YOU WILL STILL LOOK PREGNANT
So many women don’t realize this and are shocked to find that they still look pregnant even after their baby is out. It takes time for your uterus to shrink back to its pre-pregnancy size, and you will leave the hospital still looking at least five months pregnant.
THE BOOBS OF YOUR DREAMS… OR NOT
A few days after your baby is born your milk will come in… and your boobs will go crazy! I woke up one morning and they were massive, practically up to my chin, and were rock hard because of all of the milk. I was not prepared for how big my boobs were going to get. They will likely be bigger than they’ve ever been but unfortunately for your husband, they are off limits. There’s nothing less sexual to a nursing mom than her boobs. Sorry guys. Also, they will leak. Like crazy. Invest in boobie pads unless you want to be in the middle of grocery shopping and look down to see two giant wet spots on the front of your shirt. Can you say awkward? Oh, and if it’s been a while since your baby nursed they might get so full they start spraying like a water gun. Your poor baby will get a face full of milk and anything else within a four foot radius is at risk as well. Boobs be getting crazy during those first few weeks of breastfeeding.
NIGHT SWEATS
After having your baby your body goes through a HUGE hormonal shift. Your body retains water during your pregnancy and after you deliver your body has to eliminate all of that water. Enter night sweats. Chances are you will wake up in the middle of the night drenched in sweat and have to change at least once each night. This can last for weeks, and it’s not fun.
WHATEVER YOU DO, DON’T COUGH… OR SNEEZE
Coughing and sneezing can feel extremely uncomfortable after having a baby for a few days. For me it felt like my uterus was going to fall out (disclaimer, it did not), and it totally freaked me out. If you have a c-section it can feel like your stitches are going to burst open. Hugging a pillow tightly to your incision when you cough or sneeze can help with this.
THE CONTRACTIONS AREN’T OVER YET
After you’ve had the baby your uterus still has to shrink down to its prepregnancy size. As this occurs, you may experience some contractions. When you’re nursing or pumping your body is producing oxytocin, which stimulates the contractions just like it did during labor. This is to help your uterus shrink down quicker. The sensation usually only lasts a few days postpartum, but can really put a damper on the magic of nursing. I’m sorry to tell you this, but these contractions generally get more uncomfortable with subsequent babies.
YOUR BABY PROBABLY WON’T BE THE ONLY ONE CRYING
Even the most well-adjusted mama can have her moments of crazy hormones taking over. You will cry because your baby is just so gorgeous, you will cry when your baby won’t sleep and you’ve been awake since 2am, you will cry because your lady parts hurt. There will be a decent amount of crying going on and that’s totally fine and normal. If you feel like you are crying more than you should, or the opposite is occurring and you feel indifferent, reach out to your doctor to check for signs of postpartum depression.
BREASTFEEDING CAN BE HARD
Breastfeeding seems like the most natural thing in the world, and for some people it is. There are so many things that factor in to a successful breastfeeding journey. Correct latch, milk supply, and exposure to the breast are just a few of the things that can effect it. It can also range from feeling a little tender for you in the beginning to downright excruciating. If you are struggling at all with breastfeeding meet with a local lactation consultant. They are trained to identify and help correct any issues that may be present and they can make all the difference! I seriously can’t stress this enough. Reach out sooner rather than later, there’s no point in suffering when help is available!
ANXIETY
Postpartum depression is, fortunately, something that is becoming more talked about. However, postpartum anxiety is also common but is not as popular of a discussion. It’s hard not to feel anxious when you have this teeny tiny human that you are all of a sudden in charge of. Are you warm enough? Too warm? Why are you grunting? Are you hungry? Is that a normal cough or a sick cough? Why won’t you sleep? Why are you sleeping so much? Seriously, the list of things to be anxious about is never ending. It’s normal to experience some anxiety, but again, talk to your doctor if your anxiety is consuming you, or is beginning to feel like more than what is appropriate. Just like with postpartum depression, postpartum anxiety can be treated.
THE HANGER IS REAL
You thought you were hungry during pregnancy, oh girl just wait until you are breastfeeding. That little muffin is going to steal all of your calories and nutrients and you are going to need to load up on all of the foods to keep up. In the early weeks I would have to eat a snack in the middle of the night because I’d get so hungry. And don’t even think about starting up a conversation with me in the morning until I have a few bites of food in me. Breastfeeding makes you HUNGRY! There were many times where I would be snippy and Jordan would have to offer me a snack. A few bites in and all would be well in the world and he would get a well-deserved apology from me. Prepare yourself and load up on healthy options that are easy to grab.
SOMETIMES ALL YOURE DOING IS HOLDING A BABY AND IT STILL FEELS HARD
There will be days where your baby doesn’t want to be put down. You will spend hours just cuddling and snoozing but you might still feel overwhelmed and exhausted and like a failure. I’m here to tell you that YOU ARE NOT FAILING. Holding your baby is NOT the same as doing nothing. Don’t feel guilty for those precious moments. The dishes can be done later, the laundry can wait too. Just relax and enjoy the quiet moments, because babies don’t keep and soon enough they will be too big to hold (I’m not crying, you’re crying).
POSTPARTUM HAIR LOSS
As someone with naturally thin hair I was terrified to experience postpartum hair loss. Thank the lord this was never severe for me because I need all of the hair I can get. However, this is a pretty common postpartum complaint so don’t be alarmed if it seems like you’re losing a lot of hair. It’s totally normal and usually peaks around 4 months postpartum. However, if you feel like your hair loss is abnormally heavy let your doctor know. It might be totally normal or it might be related to an underlying thyroid condition.
YOU MIGHT RESENT YOUR PARTNER
When it’s 2am and you’re awake feeding the baby for the third time that night while your partner sleeps, you may feel some resentment. When you partner leaves for work in the morning and you are waving goodbye while the baby screams in your arms, you might feel some resentment. When you haven’t left the house for more than thirty minutes alone and your partner goes to play a four hour round of golf, you might feel some resentment. It’s fine, it’s normal, it is what it is. My best advice is to be open and honest and always let your partner know how you’re feeling. If you don’t, your feelings will just intensify and you will end up exploding. And that’s never fun.
IT GETS EASIER, AND HARDER, AND EASIER
Postpartum is just like any other time in life, it ebbs and flows. You will have tough moments and then you will get that first smile and all of those sleepless nights and your sore vagina will be forgotten. I promise you. It’s not supposed to be easy. Motherhood is the realest, rawest thing I have ever experienced and nothing rocked my world quite like those first few weeks. Over time you will start feeling like yourself again. Your body might never be the exact same again, but you will start to feel like you. Things will eventually stop aching and leaking and you will get longer stretches of sleep at night. I promise you, the postpartum period won’t last forever.
Good luck mama and remember, you are not alone. Don’t hesitate to reach out and always be open and honest with your partner and your family about how you are feeling. Don’t put pressure on yourself to enjoy every single moment, because it is hard and that’s okay. Remember that it’s ok to ask for help and to let people know what you need. And please, reach out to your healthcare provider if you are struggling with any signs of postpartum depression or anxiety. There is help available.
Check out this post to see what postpartum essentials I recommend having on hand.
