Parenting

Bed-sharing: Why We Let Our Baby Share Our Bed

February 20, 2018
bed-sharing

We all have things that we swore we’d never do as parents. We’ll never bribe our kids with candy, we’ll never feed them Kraft mac’n cheese.   My thing was bed-sharing. I swore that I would never create a habit of letting my kids share my bed. In my mind my bed was for Jordan and I and our future kids belonged in their own bed. Well fast-forward to when Theo was born and let me tell you I changed my mind about bed-sharing really quick.

Theo hated his bassinet. He would cry and cry when I laid him in it. He always started off the night in it but then when he woke up in the night to nurse I had to work so hard to get him to settle in the bassinet again. Jordan was always pro-co-sleeping and finally he was just like f*** it and laid Theo in between us in our bed. The three of us finally got a decent night’s sleep that night and we decided bed-sharing was for us.

If you think about it, it makes sense that your newborn baby will want to sleep close to you. Theo just spent nine months in my belly all curled up in a ball snug and warm. To expect him to happily sleep on his own the minute he is born is honestly expecting a lot. Plenty of babies do successfully sleep in their bassinet or crib from birth, but it just wasn’t something that worked for us. Theo liked being close to us and we all got more sleep with him in the bed too. He would wake up to nurse in the night but then afterwards would fall right back to sleep. When I tried to lay him in the bassinet I would have to move with the care of someone trying to put a bomb down without detonating it. And half the time he would still wake up and cry so I’d have to rock him and get him back to sleep all over again.

There is so much judgment about co-sleeping and bed sharing and I’ll admit, before having kids I was guilty of the judgment as well. People love to tell us that if we’re not careful we’ll never be able to get Theo out of our bed. They tell us he will be too attached to us and that we are creating bad habits. But what I think people sometimes forget is that this time in a child’s life is so fleeting. Theo is still so young and there is nothing wrong with him having a healthy attachment to us. There’s nothing wrong with him being comforted by the snuggles and the warmth of his parent’s bodies. And as for the people that say we will never be able to get him to sleep in his own bed… well I’ve never met an adult that still sleeps in his parent’s room with them.

At six months we moved Theo into his own room and it was easier than I could have hoped. He happily fell asleep at night in his crib. When he woke up in the night I would nurse him and then bring him into our bed for the rest of the night. At eight months he started sleeping through the night, but if he did wake up for whatever reason, we still just brought him into our bed. Now at almost sixteen months he still sometimes ends up in our bed but we are all happy about it. There is honestly nothing better than feeling the warmth of your sweet baby pressed up against you in the night. When he snuggles into my neck my heart melts with the feeling of his soft fluffy hair on my cheek. Opening my eyes in the morning and seeing his little face first thing is the most amazing thing in the world. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I will never regret the mornings when I lay in bed and watch him sleep, his eyelids fluttering and his little lips pursing and then smiling before relaxing again.

What is co-sleeping?

Co-sleeping means sleeping in close proximity to your child. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) actually suggests keeping your baby in your room until at least the age of six months, as a means of reducing the risk of SIDS. Co-sleeping and bed-sharing are not the same thing. Co-sleeping includes:

  • Bed-sharing: baby is in the same bed as you.
  • Different beds, same room: this includes having the baby in a bassinet or crib in your room. This is what the AAP recommends that parents do.

Benefits of co-sleeping

  • Helps to establish a strong breastfeeding relationship.
  • Reduces the risk of SIDS by up to 50% if baby is in your room (AAP).
  • Often means better sleep for parents and baby.

 

It’s very important that if you are going to bed-share with your baby you make sure to take necessary precautions to make the environment as safe as possible. These guidelines go along with the general safe-sleep guidelines.

Safe bed-sharing guidelines:

  • Babies should be placed on their backs when sleeping.
  • Remove any blankets, pillows, stuffed animals etc that could potentially suffocate baby.
  • The surface should be firm (do NOT bed-share if you have a water bed or a soft mattress)
  • Your mattress should be tight to your bed frame so there is no gapping for baby to get stuck in.
  • Make sure that long hair is tied back, dangling jewelry is removed, and there are no ties on your pajamas that could potentially wrap around babies neck.

Do Not bed-share if you:

  • Are under the influence of drugs or alcohol.
  • Smoke cigarettes or smoked them during your pregnancy.
  • Are extremely overweight.
  • Are sleeping on a couch or any other surface that is not firm (ie waterbed).

 

It’s important to practice safe-sleep regardless of where you decide your baby is going to sleep. If you do decide that bed-sharing is for you, then be sure to do your research and take the necessary precautions to keep your baby safe. Speak to your pediatrician if you have any questions or concerns about the safety and guidelines for co-sleeping and/or bed-sharing.

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